With mother's day quickly approaching @bumpclubandbeyond tasked me and other moms with the thought of when did you become a mother. I thought it was a pretty good article so I wanted to share with all of you what I wrote:
When this topic came across my computer I was immediately drawn to it and started thinking deeply about when I felt like a mom. Then I realized how hard it is to pin point the day, or the moment that it happened. Our journey has been a ride of up’s and down’s. There was no labor, no placing my babies on my chest, no meeting them for 24 hours because of how sick I was. My twins were born at just over 32 weeks gestation and were quickly whisked away to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit(NICU) where I had to try to get in my head that they were not sick babies they were small babies that I could not see for a day so I could get medication on board to protect my brain. Did I feel like a mom sitting in a hospital room without my children? Did I feel like a mom asking nurses if it was ok to pick up my own children? Did I feel like a mom leaving my babies in a hospital when I went home and back for 38 and 40 days? The sad answer is no. I had “Layaway Babies”. Babies that we surely were paying for financially and emotionally but did not get to take home until they could accomplish certain tasks. Tasks that I really could not help them with. They needed to grow. When we finally took them home and I was attached to a pump while feeding my babies and living on less sleep than ever that’s when it hit. For the previous 5 weeks I did not get sleep because of that darn pump, but I didn’t have tiny humans who needed me to get them fed and clean and happy. I remember late one night or morning when I was feeding the fellas and I started noticing some differences in my identical little boys. When I could tell them apart like no one else and that’s when I was a mom. I was crying in a mess of hormones still worried that I had ruined them forever because of my body falling apart, but I was their mom and we were going to persevere together as a family. I had done all that I could do to help them thrive and I would never quit on my tiny and mighty boys. They saw me as their mom and it was time that I felt like it too. As time passes I still see them as individual people and tell them apart from their cries, their looks, and their budding personalities. That’s my mom story. My own journey. Our journey together.
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AuthorJenifer Roth is a full time super woman...in her mind! Well she is good at being ok at the all the roles she takes on. Enjoy the ride! Archives
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